Not so proud Mommy Moment.

Yeah yeah. You didn't call you didn't write. I know its been quite a while since I've last posted..which isn't the best way to keep a blog up and running. But its always when I think I'm going to start a grand new adventure in my life that fifty other things start popping up around me. Plus I just haven't found the motivation to write. Except for when this happened to me a few weeks ago, and I felt like I needed to share.

My two year old has been so good to me. He isn't the typical "terrible two's" kind of child, so when he is...my whole world shifts and I quickly find myself at a loss as to what to do. Distract him, ignore him, leave him by himself, wait for it to be over with...I feel like I've heard it all on what to do. But when I was home in Dallas a few weeks ago, and my sweet little boy turned into what I thought was a little monster in front of most of my family and strangers...my non-composed mommy self reared its ugly head. I had little to no patience left in me...and after he hit his one year old nephew in the back and caused him to fall over-in a fit of anger I scooped him up, grabbed all my stuff and yelled, "we're leaving!" to the all the people left at my nephew's one year birthday party.

I stormed out to my car, continually telling my son, "we do NOT act like that!" as if he knew what the hell I was even referring to. We got back to my mom's house, where he proceeded to act like the angel he is...and left me reeling, feeling anger and embarrassment. What the hell just happened? Who was that girl that just left like the whole world was going to end and I couldn't take anymore?? We went outside to play with our new sidewalk chalk, and he came over while I was sitting indian style on the pavement, wrapped his little arms around my neck, and just hugged me. And that's where I lost it.

There were no words between us, but I instantly knew he was forgiving me. That he knows I'm always doing what I think is best for us, and in that moment maybe it wasn't the best decision, but he knew it was okay. I felt ashamed and stupid. I don't have those moments very often. But I wasn't proud of myself. How could I allow myself to get so frustrated with this little person that I am hopelessly in love with?

I know we all have moments like this. I believe I called it my "breaking point." There is only so much patience I can have on a daily basis, where constantly saying "Yes I know you're tired, come play with this instead, no don't touch that that's not yours, I know you want the cookie but you can't have that right now, no Jacob we don't play with those presents, no let's go outside-oh okay we can go back inside, do you want to eat? no, okay let's go sit down, no I told you we can't run up and down the stairs" just doesn't cut it anymore.

So no, I'm not particularly proud of that moment. But what I can tell you is that I learned a hell of alot from that moment. One, let the child sleep and don't wake him from his nap, even if you're going to be late. Two, its okay if he isn't acting like an angel..I'm probably the only one who's noticing, and finally...in the grand scheme of things, he's never going to remember this and neither will I.

He will still love me.