Connection. From Miles Away.

Starting this blog several months ago, my initial intention was to reach women and mothers and share stories. I wasn't sure who it would reach or when. I sent out my best intentions and just hoped to inspire another mom in the same position as I. 

I have not written in quite a while.  So imagine my surprise when I received a comment on my blog from a mother named Heather. She wrote me and asked if I could share her incredible story. At just 36, and a brand new mom, she was diagnosed with Pleural Mesothelioma cancer. Fighting for her life with a brand new baby girl is a diagnosis that seems almost impossible for most.

I am happy to report that Heather is cancer-free, and that beautiful baby girl is growing up with her mom by her side. What an incredible story. 

I share with you Heather's story so that you may become aware of not only her plight for her life, but so you are educated on this form of cancer and you, too, can spread the word. I am humbled to be able to share her story, and give light to not only her form of cancer...but her incredible journey and spirit that rose above all else. 

We applaud you, Heather, for your light and your love that you obviously radiate to not just your family but everyone in your grasp.

My Mesothelioma Story: How I Hope to Help Others

Hearing these three words, “You have cancer” are the most numbing words when you think life is going well.  Unfortunately, I heard these words at a time in my life when I thought nothing could possibly happen. Three and a half months prior to this announcement, I had a baby. Now, I am being told I have cancer. Pleural mesothelioma as a matter of fact. Pleural mesothelioma cancer is caused by asbestos exposure.

Most people ask, “Isn’t asbestos banned?” The answer to that question is, “No, asbestos is not banned.” The second question people ask me is, “Where were you exposed?” The answer to this question is, “My father.” I was exposed to asbestos through my father who worked in construction. He primarily sanded, taped drywall and was involved in mudding. The dust in these materials contained asbestos. He brought it home on his clothes, in his car and on his jacket. The white dust seemed harmless, but it was filled with asbestos fibers.

As for me, it was rare for a 36-year old female to be diagnosed with mesothelioma since the disease tends to affect older males who work in trades. Most often the trades include plumbing or heating. Military personnel, electricians and mechanics are also commonly affected by mesothelioma.

I am not the only woman affected by mesothelioma. The wives of the men who worked in these trades also began to get sick from doing their husband’s laundry. The asbestos-laden clothes were shaken before being loaded into the washer. Women were also exposed at schools while working as secretaries.

Unfortunately, the next generation of mesothelioma patients is being diagnosed. It seemed that I was the beginning of an alarming trend that young people who developed mesothelioma, but how were these young people exposed?

They were children. These children were happy to see their fathers and would jump into their arms after the father had been working all day with asbestos. These children would hug their dads to welcome them home after their dads were exposed. These children hung out with their dads after working around asbestos-laden insulation all day. These children wore their dad’s jacket to feed the rabbits to avoid getting their jacket dirty and were exposed.

The more people I meet in the mesothelioma community, the more I realize that this disease affects young people in their late twenties and early thirties. Young men and women should be starting their lives with new babies; marriages and jobs are, instead, dealing with mesothelioma. The great news is that these young people are more likely to survive, now, with new treatments for mesothelioma.

Why do I continue to do be an advocate for mesothelioma and share my story? I do it to create awareness. Without creating awareness, nothing will change. I share my story so that a person who is newly diagnosed will have hope of survival. I hope to give someone living in fear of mesothelioma a reason to continue living and save a life through my stories.  I hope that by doing this that I am doing what is right. 

Follow Heather's blog here: 

www.mesothelioma.com/blog/authors/heather

Why Women Everywhere are Coming Together for "Fifty Shades of Grey" (Pun somewhat intended)

 I read all three books in about 9 days. I work over 40 hours a week, have a 2 and a half year old and I'm in the process of moving. My spare time is limited. So let me paint a picture for you on how this was accomplished: I was reading before I got up for work at 5:30am, I read at stop lights on the way to (and from) work, I read at lunch, I read while watching Dancing with the Stars, I stayed up way past my bedtime and continued to read.  I couldn't put it down.

I recruited about 8 other women at work to also start reading. It took off like a wildfire. We'd pass eachother in the hall and give that smile like, yeah I know you were reading it till 2 am too. What is it about this book?? Ten million copies have been sold since March. Which means lots of women are feeling just as excited as I am about Christian Grey and Ana Steele.

While the books are an easy read, I don't think this is why its so easy to read them. Let me also preface this by saying I've never read any kind of erotica before. I was an erotica virgin if you will, so I have nothing to compare these books to. All I know is that it didn't have a Fabio look alike with some woman's boobs almost hanging out on the cover, and that right there is enough for me to dive further into what these books are all about.

The first book gave me butterflies. I was nervous and excited and I felt like I was feeling all the same things that Ana must be "feeling" as she meets with Christian in the first few chapters. What the hell? No book had done that to me before. I was immediately forming my "Christian" in my mind...Christian Bale? Ian Somerhalder? That guy from White Collar....Matt Bomer? Yeah, any of those will do.

This became my fantasy. I got to escape for minutes or hours throughout the day to this story. Like I could open the book, step in to the pages, and I was lost in this delicious "this will never happen to me but I get to pretend it will" fantasy all throughout the day. But the best part was that I knew all those girls reading it with me felt the same way. We all giggled and became thirteen year old teenagers again. It's like Christian was real and we just waiting for him to step out of the page.

We cheered for Ana and cursed her at the same time. We wanted the story to be a little more raunchy at times, and we definitely wanted Christian to speak up more during sex. We thought he would be a little more vocal than what he was (just our opinion...). We talked about the fantasy of it all: Ana gets to orgasm EVERY time?? And that quickly?? Lucky bitch. But in my fantasy that would be an important detail...so I'll go with it. We wanted the sex to last longer in some places, and we all could not WAIT until they got into the Red Room. Oh the Red Room...wait what?

Does this mean that I (er, we) as a collective group of women around the world are excited with the fact that this man has a room dedicated to all sorts of kinkey ______ ? Hell yes we are. And let me give you the reason why: We are tired of making all the decisions. We have the power 98.9% of our day. Whether you are a working mother, stay at home mom, work with no kids, whatever. We as women control most of our days and our daily lives with constant decisions. What a lovely idea to step into a room, situation, or relationship where you have the trust in the other to just surrender. Where he knows what feels good and what doesn't and you just have to let him. Give up the power girls. That can be a scary thought. But how freeing at the same time.

Oh yeah...Ana gets to fix Fifty. That's the other piece of the puzzle. Whether you admit it or not, we women like to do those things. Here's this beautiful scarred man that desperately needs her love to heal him. Hallelujah! Sign me up!

We feel sexy again. I don't feel sexy when I'm constantly lost in thought of what needs to get done, what I need to cook or clean, who needs to go where and what other responsibilities are flooding my brain. Sexiness is not a top priority. But this book made me feel sexy. It turned me on and got me thinking about ideas and situations that normally, I would never think about turning  me on. We as a collective female force around the world are feeling sexy again. We feel good about sex and maybe want to have alot more because of this book. Husbands and boyfriends everywhere are letting us read at dinner and while we watch tv with them on the sofa because they know what this book is doing to us. And well, they like what its doing to them too.

These books brings us together. We get to laugh and talk about a topic that we typically don't discuss because, quite frankly, none of our lives are quite this exciting. We all interpret the books differently, and discuss how it makes us feel. We join together at book clubs and laugh until we cry discussing various parts of the story and share our own personal stories.

Fifty Shades, in my opinion, is allowing us to discover the kinky fuckery in us all. And we can't wait for the movie.  Since most of us have been busy casting the actors in our heads for weeks now anyway.

A big thanks to E L James who felt inspired to bring such an amazing fantasy to all of us. Even though she thought no one would read it...

...Turns out she's not the only one that's into the Red Room...

Granola Mom #2...Vegetarian overnight

I made the choice to give up meat rather easily. But let me be honest-I thought I was going to have a really hard time making the switch. What was I going to eat??? Turns out, its nothing more than better planning and turning on the will power switch.

Let's get another thing straight-I am a lover of animals. I did not give up meat for them, however. I gave up meat for me...and my health. When I couldn't tell you where my meat was coming from, who knows what was being fed to them (and then passed on to me and my family), that's when I decided I need to make a change. I was only down to turkey and chicken, I had cut out everything else.

My first step was to meal plan for my next trip to the grocery store. That was when I literally planned every meal to be meat free. With my trusty big ass vegetarian cook book in hand, I went to work. Low and behold-you can put a lot of shit together and make it taste good. And you don't have to put in meat. Plus it cut out an extra dollar or two (or three or four) out of my grocery bill.

I made all my meals that I had planned, and I went meat free for two weeks. I did it.

So there I was after two weeks, and then another two weeks. Pretty soon it was a month and a half later, and the boy says to me, "Babe have you eaten  meat at all these last few weeks?" And there it was, I couldn't remember the last time I ate a meal with an animal as the main course. It was truly a freeing feeling. Because I did it. I stuck to it and kept with it and I didn't give in.

Making this decision was a very important one for me and my family. I am choosing to raise my son meat free. And the best part about this decision? My IBS has all but disappeared, I have more energy, I'm not wanting to nap on my desk every day at 2pm, and I just feel good. I know where my food is coming from, I know what it is made out of, and that my friends, feels damn good. I think that's called peace of mind.

So if you were looking for a miraculous answer to whether or not you should also choose to go meat free...I'm sorry I can't give you one. It was literally better planning, and a little bit of will power. It was one of the best decisions I've made in a very long time, and I urge you to try it. But do it for yourself and your own personal reasons. Because that is what I found gives you the greatest will power of all...you're taking care of yourself. And that... is a damn good thing.

Being a mom is hard. Its one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. It's not something I like to say out loud, but its the truth. There are days when I reminisce about the times I could up and leave to have dinner with my girlfriends, grab a drink, read a book all day or just lie in bed to whatever time I damned well pleased.

I have to plan a lot to do those things now. Sometimes weeks in advance. And I may not be able to do the things I used to "enjoy" doing quite as often. But then I think...get your head out of your ass.

You have a beautiful, healthy son that lights up when you walk into a room. He has the ability to throw his arms around you, grab your face and plant a sloppy kiss on your mouth. Run to you when he's sad and upset and you can console every last tear. You get to see him every day and smell his skin, feel his breath on your face when he sits to close to you when you read books, and listen to every first word he'll ever mutter.

You get to see him run and jump, get overly excited about swings at the park, and watch as he continues to grow even though you want so desperately for time to just slow down. You get to love him. Every minute of every day.

I have had the unfortunate experience this year of being witness to friends and acquaintances lose a child. I have cried gut wrenching tears for mothers that have had to say goodbye to their children.

Being a mother is hard. But it is not difficult in the sense that I can sometimes conjure it up to be. I have my son. You have your son and daughters. And for all the mothers that can not hug their babies today, I stand and applaud your strength. Because it is not about not being able to have dinner on a whim, or spend the day shopping. Its the precious time we have with our babies, and what we do with all of that time that is not always guaranteed.

So when my little boy climbed into bed with me very early this morning, snuggled up against me and fell back asleep, I was reminded once again what this life is all about: magical, unrelenting, passionate unconditional love.

To all my mother friends who put themselves second, or third or fourth...who sometimes forget about the amazing women they are because they are too busy cleaning up diapers, making dinners and washing clothes...balancing a career and a family, and those who just strive every day to be the most amazing mother to their family...I applaud you. You make me strong.

Because its in that one precious moment that we realize they are the reason we are here. They are our purpose.

Happy Mothers Day...

Granola Mom #1

Okay so I'm pretty sure this is going to be the start of a series...I realized the other day I have changed alot of habits in my life, trying to get to my goal of an overall health filled life. The funniest part being I changed these habits not out of want, but out of necessity. Which is the story of my life, really.

I never had any intention of becoming a crunchy granola kind of person, let alone mother. I thought it was expensive to keep up a healthy lifestyle, and if I ate organic, no meat and very few sugar/processed foods, I would instantly start braiding my hair down my back, wear no makeup and have an arsenal of long flow-y skirts in my closet. Turns out all that was just a myth. So here is my way of slowly becoming that crunchy granola kind of mom/wife/woman. Really its just about becoming educated about what I put into my family's body. And finally confirming that I just want to feel good. Let's start with how I grocery shop and meal plan...and how I can get it all under $100.
(Keep in mind its my small family of 3 that I'm shopping for)

I DID IT!!! 

I finally had my first grocery trip with everything in my cart consisting of either organic or all natural foods: no processed crap, nothing filled with high fructose corn syrup or some other weird sugar substitute, no meat, no dairy, no ingredient I couldn't pronounce...2 weeks worth of groceries and meals for literally $104 (20$ at the Farmer's Market, about $80 at the store)

Here's what was in my cart from Kroger:

1 lb of raw almonds
bag of dried cranberries (to make my own trail mix)
Almond milk (we no longer drink cow's milk)
Almond creamer
Bananas
All natural peanut butter
Grape jelly (no sugar added, no HFCS)
Mom's Best All Natural cereals (LOVE these cereals...)
Diya vegan mozzerella cheese
Prego veggie spaghetti sauce
Veggie frozen lunches (3 of them)
2 boxes of quinoa
2 cans of organic black beans
2 cans of organic diced tomatoes


There were a few other things on my list..like mascara, toothpaste and hydrogen peroxide, etc that also added the bill up a little more. I also buy in bulk when I can, and I have alot of things that carry over from week to week. Hence my list not being very long. I also ONLY buy what I need. Rarely do I get desserts...and since we have cut out anything processed for the most part...there isn't too much crap mixed in there.

The other important new habit I have: buying almost ALL of my fruits/veggies from a farmers market. I bought just $20 worth of fruits and veggies today and I filled two brown paper grocery bags.

Here is my menu plan for the next two weeks...keep in mind I plan enough food for leftovers. Meaning I make sure I make enough dinner to last our family dinner the first night, and then either lunch the next day or dinner the next day. Rarely ever do I make dinner to be for just one night. Unless its a special occasion or something.

Dinner menu for two weeks (I grocery shop every two weeks so food doesn't spoil):
(everything is vegetarian by the way..another way to save money at the store)

Veggie pizza

Spinach/tomato/pasta casserole

Couscous and roasted veggies

Mexican lasagna

Sweet potato veggie medley on top of spinach

Spaghetti (because there are nights I just need something quick)

Quinoa and veggies/pasta

Brown rice stir fry

Nothing overly complicated or fancy...I work full time and don't have a lot of time to cook by the time I get home. Click here to go to my Pinterest "Fav Recipes" page. Some of the dinners above are included there.

So that's it folks! That's just the beginning of how I grocery shop and how that leads to myself and my family making better choices...not just for food but all the other areas of our lives as well. I'll post soon about how and why these choices started to creep into my life...but I would love your comments and questions as well!!

Not so proud Mommy Moment.

Yeah yeah. You didn't call you didn't write. I know its been quite a while since I've last posted..which isn't the best way to keep a blog up and running. But its always when I think I'm going to start a grand new adventure in my life that fifty other things start popping up around me. Plus I just haven't found the motivation to write. Except for when this happened to me a few weeks ago, and I felt like I needed to share.

My two year old has been so good to me. He isn't the typical "terrible two's" kind of child, so when he is...my whole world shifts and I quickly find myself at a loss as to what to do. Distract him, ignore him, leave him by himself, wait for it to be over with...I feel like I've heard it all on what to do. But when I was home in Dallas a few weeks ago, and my sweet little boy turned into what I thought was a little monster in front of most of my family and strangers...my non-composed mommy self reared its ugly head. I had little to no patience left in me...and after he hit his one year old nephew in the back and caused him to fall over-in a fit of anger I scooped him up, grabbed all my stuff and yelled, "we're leaving!" to the all the people left at my nephew's one year birthday party.

I stormed out to my car, continually telling my son, "we do NOT act like that!" as if he knew what the hell I was even referring to. We got back to my mom's house, where he proceeded to act like the angel he is...and left me reeling, feeling anger and embarrassment. What the hell just happened? Who was that girl that just left like the whole world was going to end and I couldn't take anymore?? We went outside to play with our new sidewalk chalk, and he came over while I was sitting indian style on the pavement, wrapped his little arms around my neck, and just hugged me. And that's where I lost it.

There were no words between us, but I instantly knew he was forgiving me. That he knows I'm always doing what I think is best for us, and in that moment maybe it wasn't the best decision, but he knew it was okay. I felt ashamed and stupid. I don't have those moments very often. But I wasn't proud of myself. How could I allow myself to get so frustrated with this little person that I am hopelessly in love with?

I know we all have moments like this. I believe I called it my "breaking point." There is only so much patience I can have on a daily basis, where constantly saying "Yes I know you're tired, come play with this instead, no don't touch that that's not yours, I know you want the cookie but you can't have that right now, no Jacob we don't play with those presents, no let's go outside-oh okay we can go back inside, do you want to eat? no, okay let's go sit down, no I told you we can't run up and down the stairs" just doesn't cut it anymore.

So no, I'm not particularly proud of that moment. But what I can tell you is that I learned a hell of alot from that moment. One, let the child sleep and don't wake him from his nap, even if you're going to be late. Two, its okay if he isn't acting like an angel..I'm probably the only one who's noticing, and finally...in the grand scheme of things, he's never going to remember this and neither will I.

He will still love me.

Getting my (eh hem) stuff together...

                                                        Organizing Made Fun


I really hate cleaning everything in one day. I'm pretty sure we all do. (Well, we all would if we were forced to wear that outfit in that picture...) Its really not the best taking one of my days off to clean like a crazy person so I can get it done, wear myself out, then not have any energy for the rest of the day (or next day).

So I was thrilled when I came across this blog that goes into how putting a little extra each day will take care of having to save everything for one day. Granted it doesn't take care of deep cleaning, but it does take care of the awesome task of cleaning the bathrooms, vacuuming everyone's hair off the floor, and all those other fun jobs we moms do.

Okay so here's the hard part: actually doing it. You know, not listening to that little voice that says, "Come on man-you've been busting your butt since 5:30am...(because now its 8pm and you just got done with dinner, cleaning the kitchen, getting baths done and reading books before bed)...just sit and watch another episode of Modern Family. It's so relaxing."

My new routine will start next week. Because I only start things on Mondays. Its a quirk. Whatever. I'm going to follow the chart and see where it gets me. What do you guys do that gets your house clean and kept clean, without putting on your sexy cleaning sweat pants/capris/cut off things with your hair in a scrunchie (I didn't stutter), and your tank top with no bra...??? Please don't tell me I'm the only that wears that.

I'll report back on what my findings are. Hopefully it means I get to spend an entire day off with my family and not feeling guilty because I'm not cleaning. Because its already clean. Ha! The blog I found is actually really cool, so I suggest checking it out, along with the cleaning schedule.